piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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