I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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