I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize