Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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