I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize