drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
