The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
