Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
