You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
