Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
