WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize