We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
