I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
