i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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