You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
