I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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