winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
