I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
