I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
