Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
