His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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