all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
