You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
