life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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