we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you didnt know i had herpes?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
