I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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