Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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