oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
