Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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