do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
