Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
