last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
