it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize