I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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