no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
