A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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