Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
