I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
