i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i love accidental penises.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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