I think I won the penis lottery.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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