Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
