she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
