why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had to cum in my sink.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
