Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
