bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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