walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
did i walk over a car last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
