Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
