Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
