dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
