I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
