I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
