U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
