Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
