I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
