do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
