you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
