you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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