I'm so fucking centered right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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