I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
false alarm. still invincible.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
