Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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