I think im going to throw up on grandma
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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