Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
