You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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