Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
