you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are the jesus of drinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
