my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
