Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
