I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
