I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
