what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
