yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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